I’m sorry I badmouthed this so much after being part of it for so long. especially you CH. i’m sorry i was so belittling of you and making fun of you even though you did so much work behind the scenes. this was a huge part of my undergrad career. it helped me find a spot of belonging, and to just trash that is completely stupid of me. I was just expecting way too much to the point that it was unrealistic and how i was so self-centered and egotistic to the point where i probably chased some people away. I dont know what i can say, i know that it has always been in the right hands and is making the best of its chances. you guys keep it going~

I’ve actually been better with you guys than i have been in the past. I guess it just took coming home after a semester with a better attitude and I can see how much brighter the house is with it. I was acting spoiled, immature, and not like the oldest son at all. hell, i acted like i was still in my rebellious teenage years (atleast less now). lazy, unhelpful, and selfish can easily sum up how i was at home and i never owned up to any responsibility. i always talked back to you and never treated you guys with any respect. but now that i’ve been home, it’s been so much better. it makes it so much easier and more comfortable of a living environment. nothing will ever make up for how shitty of a son or an older brother i was, but i can do things to make it better for us, and it all started with a little bit of respect. 

I guess its easiest if i start with the most recent. I get way too competitive, what can i say. to the point where i’m unbearable to be around. I’m not really sure what causes all my hissy fits, or what circumstances grant me immediate access to my “high and mighty king zone.” the truth is, i’ve treated you and many others like shit, whether it be through passive aggressive undertones, or just verbally berating. I can understand why you dont wanna be around me anymore, and for that, I’m sorry. While i have been working on my temper i still have a long way to go. and i know if i want to keep my friends close, i’m going to have to work harder. 

so….i’ve been going through a rough patch recently, i.e. easily frustrated, petty arguments, the whole sha-bang. I have been guilty of being selfish, over the top pompous, and more or less, hissy. and through this, i have hurt people close to me, maybe to the point where some no longer want to associate with me, and i realized, at some point, that i need to man up. So with that in mind, plus many other things planned, I wanted to do a mini-project to own up to the people i have wronged. so, over the course of the next week, i’ll post something everyday to a certain person that i have wronged. that person may never read it, but the point is: i’m sorry. i’ve fucked up at so many points over my life, the least i can do is own up to them. so sit back, relax, and help me find out where i can do better. since i’ll be on a cruise, i have things be published once a day. hopefully during this, i’ll be able to mold a better me. 

Why the fuck do I feel so insignificant

getting very little studying done. my mind is all over the place zz

Harro, thought I’d stop by and post something for the first time in months. What have I been up to? Nothing out of the ordinary really. Friday marked 8 amazing months that I’ve been together with Amaris and it’s been an awesome journey. Though both of us may think of things differently and sometimes are on different pages, I think we somehow find ourselves making our way towards the same page ._. School is pretty tough this semester, and my study habits haven’t really gotten better at all. This spring break is the last time I’ll be going snowboarding with my dad (he’s getting old :<) it’s been about a year since my grandma passed, and today was a bit somber when studying for my test, i was reading over the mechanisms of strokes. i’m the same person i was a few months ago when i last posted but i can’t help but feel helpless at times.